On The Inside

I've found that I've had a tendency of late to sit here and write about politics, politicians, policy, people and other things on the outside (not all of which start with "p" by the way). Now I don't mean to imply that those are easy targets, because sometimes that kind of stuff actually requires a fair amount of mental lifting in order to pull off to any great extent. In fact there are many very well exceptionally written political blogs in NEPA (Gort, NEPArtisan, Mark Cour's blog among others)...stuff that is amateur only in the sense that the writers don't get paid to write. This is all the more reason why I find it mildly amusing whenever I see this space listed among "local political blogs". I'm not qualified to be a "local political blogger"; hell I think I barely qualify as being fluent in English.

Truth be told? I don't even like politics. Partisans on either side of the equation both bore and frustrate me. Yes, I think Sarah Palin is a nit-wit and I think Jesse Jackson has been shaking down Fortune 100 businesses for two decades now. On the other hand I love listening to Newt Gingrich talk about conservative solutions and I think Bill Clinton is a role-model bridging gaps (be they be between races, sexual orientations or genders). See, even why I try NOT to write about politics it manages to seep in like water into my basement after a spring downpour.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that I wanted to write this to be something of a vehicle to explore ideas on both inside and the outside of me. Of late it's probably been more on an outward looking affair, if only because I feel this subliminal pressure associated with writing what I think others will find interesting (defining "others" as being the small number that actually manage to read this stuff). But you know what? Funk that. It's not that I don't really care what others say or think, it's that I believe that all of us have an obligation to always be true to ourselves. Being something we are not, for whatever reason, is never self-sustaining. Trust me, I am an expert in that regard. Interesting juxtaposing that thought against the notion that I am writing this on a blog that is posted on a very public Internet, is it not? Maybe this is same basic philosophy behind the Catholic notion of confession: for it to mean something, it has to be shared. The blog as a sort of public confessional...I'm sure that idea has already been explored.

So many words, and yet I don't think I've really made much of a point, other than ruminating over what others may think, even though I supposedly don't care what others think. Damn, that reads like a line from the song "I Am The Walrus".

Okay, how about this: it's been a tough few days. I've been over-eating and watching far too much TV, neither of which is good for me, and both of which are signs that I feel somewhat out of control relative to the events around me. This isn't typical, as I've been doing well in the weight department too over the past two months. One of those more inside-looking posts that never made the cut was going to be about how I've lost 20 pounds since the beginning of November. Well after this past week it may be more like 18 pounds, but the post never made the cut. That's the nut about weight loss by the way: it's much more of a mental exercise than it is a physical one. Put another way, sustained physical health can't happen when there isn't some mental health to go along with it, at least not as far as I am concerned. Everything really is connected I guess.

Speaking of connected, "We shall not cease from exploration..." is my favorite quote precisely because it works on so many different levels. I'm not sure what Eliot had in mind when he thought of it, but for me it's as much about mental exploration as it is physical exploration. The above mentioned weight thing is just one example of many, for to work on getting healthy on the outside you have to work on getting healthy on the inside, as the two are inexorably connected.

Well I think I've basically run out 0f ruminations for the moment. Maybe I just needed to get this out of my system, or maybe I'm just trying to avoid getting ready for work tomorrow (I have my annual performance evaluation by the way). Either excuse works for me.