Occupational Hazzard of Juggling: Objects falling on your head

There are times when I see how some folks just drop from a heart attack at a young age. It's not just juggling a career, the needs of children, the needs of family members (some of whom need more help than most), it also feels like I'm juggling all of what they are juggling as well. It's as if I'm at the center of this little corner of the universe that everyone comes to, but yet nothing stays by. I'm the first to call when there is a problem, but I'm usually the last called one called when there is a celebration...unless of course I am supposed to pay for it.

Self-loathing doesn't become me, but I had to get that one bit out of me before the stress-induced explosion ended up spewing entrails all over my computer desk.

There is just so damn much pressure these days. I know that there is nothing here that I can't handle, but man I sure wish the process were a little easier and there were more hands in the mix to help. No wonder I've been sleeping better lately, as I'm basically physically and mentally exhausted when all is said and done.

Like many internal wounds, mine are self-inflicted. More of an outcome generated from a twisted sense of right than anything else I suspect. "Catholic guilt" is what I suspect others use to describe this kind of thing, but that's far too broad for my tastes. No, my problem is that I tend to play from my own set of self-imposed rules, but yet much of what is around me could care less about those rule & fact sometimes work hard at fighting against them. Now lest anyone think that the rules in questions are controversial, here's a sample:

- Independence...I expect people to be self-sufficient or working towards self-sufficiency
- Frugal...I expect people to be watchful of what they spend
- Health...I expect that people will consciously try and be healthier

None of these things are absolute places, but rather they are more directions on a journey. For example, you go to school so that you can eventually get a job in order to be self-sufficient. You try and save some money every time you get some, even if that's just a dollar or two. You always try and find better ways to eat, new ways to become more active.

I know, all are such alien concepts in a world where the media tells us that young, pretty people don't have to work but yet live in glamorous surroundings. We've raised a society where there is this disconnect between work and consumption. Hell, I see people buying over-priced groceries at the convenience store with their Access card while talking on their cell phone. They then go on to pay cash for cigarettes. Forget Lewis Carroll, our society is already through the looking glass.

I know, I know, I'll get over this funk. I always do. The chief provider and solver-of-things is required to get over things as part of his job description. I just really wish there were some reinforcements every now and then.