500,000 or so...

...page views since I started this in 2008.  Actually I probably crossed that line a while ago, as I didn't start the counter until well into 2009.

The number isn't all that important by the way, at least not as an absolute value.  There are pages that get that many hits in half a day after all.  What really matters, at least for me, is that I really and truly enjoy doing this writing gig.  In fact, I'd do it if no one was reading it.  Songwriter David Gates explained it well in "The Guitar Man":

"Then the lights begin to flicker and the sound is getting dim
The voice begins to falter and the crowds are getting thin
But he never seems to notice he's just got to find
Another place to play"

I'm not even in the same dimensional plane of reality talent-wise when compared to Mr Gates, but I understand his sentiment.

Art?  I don't think so.  The day that anything I do is considered art will be the day when it will start rain fire, with cats and dogs living together (thanks Dr Venkman).

Passion?  Maybe a little.

A voice?  Most definitely.

Ego?  Not really.  Quite frankly, must of what I've written over the years wouldn't pass muster in a junior high creative writing class.  At a crappy junior high no less.  That's okay by the way.

Regrets?  None.  I've mentioned before that I almost never read old postings.  Some are down-right cringe worthy from several different perspectives, but yet I still won't delete anything I've written.

Proud?  In some ways yes.  When I started writing this I set some ground-rules for myself, mostly unwritten, that I can rightfully say I've followed all these years.  That's good.  What's also good is the fact that I tangibly see how I've gotten better at expressing myself over the years as well.  That's the "almost" in "almost never read old postings" part, by the way.

Maybe, just maybe, it is all about expression.  I readily confess that I find more than a few elements of basic human interaction to be painfully difficult.  I am terrible striking up a conversation with someone.  I feel horribly awkward in many social interactions.  I'd much rather speak in front of 200 people than have to mingle at a party.  Yet I can do this in a reasonably okay manner.

Now I know I've said that I don't much care if anyone reads these postings, but yet how could I can be anything but thankful that many have over the years?  Another paradox of sorts in a life full of paradoxes.

So thank you, whomever and wherever you are, for reading this posting.   And thank you to all those who have read any of the 1,759 previously published postings.  It's been worth it for me...and...if I've entertained or stimulated or cheesed you off, well then maybe it's been worth it for you as well.  Honestly, I'll take any reaction.

See you at a million.

- Steve