How do you say goodbye…

…when you are not given the chance?  That has been the question over the past two days for me, as my younger brother Joseph recently passed away.  In all fairness, Joe wasn’t given to much in the way of sentimentality (nor am I), so I suspect his passing happened in the required order.

In some respects, Joe really wasn’t made for these times.  Like myself and my brothers, life lessons weren’t a part of what we learned growing up, and for Joe, it was all the more difficult.  Yet he, all of his life, managed to dance to the beat of his own drummer, with support later in life from myself and my older brother Rich.

[Very early 70's Easter...Chris (RIP), Rich, Steve and Joe (RIP)]

Speaking of that support, as my mother was dying, I made a promise that Joe would be taken care of and, to the greatest extent possible, protected from a world that was far crueler than he could process.  To that end, Rich and I had a kind of division of labor with Joe in that he took care of medical stuff, appointments, and other such things, while I took care of Joe's finances.  It worked, although there were plenty of times when the creeping specter of various scammers (both real and virtual) would rear their ugly heads to take advantage of Joe.  Fortunately, while these terrible beings could fool Joe to an extent (as he was, at heart, a truly kind human being), and there were some close calls, in the end none of them stood much of a chance against Rich and myself. 

“Mission accomplished, Mom.”

So now is the time to do the things required when someone close to you passes from this life to the next, and then life will move on.  Joe will be in a better place, free from the burdens of the mortal coil, having all the time he wants to look at firetrucks, no longer needing Rich and my protection.  After that?  Well, for me at least, it’s time to remember just how precious life truly is, and how important it is to hold close to those who care.

Rest in Peace Joseph William.

Pope Francis

I've been thinking about the passing of Pope Francis, and I've come to the conclusion that there's not much for me to say, even if I did know what to say in the first place.  Mostly, it feels like the world just got a little bit worse, which is something we probably can't afford these days.  Anyway, since his passing, what has been pinging around in my head is the prayer of St. Francis, a copy of which hangs on a wall in my office, about 3 feet from me at this very moment.

This seems as good of a tribute to Pope Francis as I think is possible.  

Rest in Peace Francis.

Regrets

"Regret" is an interesting word when you think about it, as it straddles a line that runs from the laughable to the immobilizing.  And lots of space in-between.  I was thinking about what I would say if someone asked "do you have any regrets?", and I came to the realization that my answer has evolved drastically over the years.  Yes, getting old(er) really does change one's perspective about a number of things.  

Are there things that I wish I would have done differently?  Sure, but there's an enormous caveat to that line of thought: That condition only exists because I know something NOW that I didn't know THEN.  To me that seems to almost nullify that whole line of thought.  Of course I have managed, even being the admitted lunkhead that I am, to learn a few things over the years.  That's not a bad thing...in fact, it's an incredibly good thing.  What's not to love about actually to have grown as a person?  This seems far, far better than the alternative.  I do acknowledge that there is a certain privilege of being in a place where you've grown enough to see what you could have done differently.  Some never get that chance, either physically or by way of maturity.

Maybe the better question is this: How have I grown over the years?  

Side note:  I help conduct interviews at work, mostly because I have 20+ years of experience doing it and others don't.  Anyway, there was a very young lady I was interviewing with two other managers and I asked her the seemingly age-ist question of "So, what do you want to do when you grow up?".  Now before anyone gets too alarmed, I prefaced that by saying "I'm 60 years old and I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up".  The very positive implication there is that I probably don't plan on growing up, at least any time soon.

Back to regrets.

Are there career things that I wish I could have done differently or not done at all?  Absolutely.  But I take some solace in two related thoughts:

1. I made the best decisions I could at the time with what I knew to be true.
2. I never, ever did anything to intentionally harm someone else.

#2 is probably the thing I am most proud of, by the way.  For the record, I am sure that I have done many things over the course of my life that have harmed others.  I don't think that it's possible to get through life, which is the ultimate contact sport, without that happening.  However, I never said to myself in a premeditated way "I'm going to do [insert a act or words] to screw them over".  

Are there opportunities that I missed?  Sure.  Looking back though, I think my gut instincts on things are far better than I have given myself credit for, which is as much about how I was raised (the "given myself credit for" part) than anything else.  Confidence was not something I learned a lot about until far later in life.  Maybe it's less about confidence now and more about simply "not giving a crap".  Either would seem to work.

All of the above is mostly true about my personal life as well, although I will note that I see myself as a far less fully formed human outside of work than I do at work.  There are plenty of things I know I need to do better, including staying in touch with folks, especially my daughters.  I think that latter part exists in part because on one level I really and truly want them to live full, independent lives, without seeing a parent (me) as a burden or obligation.  I know that's not entirely rational, but it is based on some semblance of reality.  I also know that I have hurt people in my life, but I take some solace in the fact that such things are equal opportunity offenders, and we are all clearly guilty in one way or another.  The great balance in life, I think, is understanding the line between self-awareness in service of human growth vs. a paralysis of regret.

All of the above takes on a bit of an extra meaning today, Easter Sunday.  For those that believe, today is, at a macro level, a story of rebirth and redemption.  Here's to hoping that we all find redemption from our sins and the insight to see them as lessons for now and the future.

Work Titles

(graphic from THIS site)

I despise work titles.  

I say the above noting that, during my working lifetime, I’ve had a variety of titles…

…from the high (Vice President of Human Resources)…

…to the ironic “Account Executive” (which is almost never an actual executive)…

…to the mundane “Manager”…

…to the entry level (Customer Service Representative, Child Care Worker, etc.)…

…and tons in-between.  They were all, for the most part, dumb.  

Taking a step back for a minute, I confess that some titles (or parts of titles) serve a useful purpose in, for example, identifying where someone works.  “Manager of Accounting”, for example, tells us that this person works in the accounting department.  The “Manager” part?  Not quite sure.  In a large part, to manage something means to exert some level of control over it.  For example, we can manage our time, and our expenses.  People?  They are far harder to control.  

Ah, the notion of control.  

Maybe that’s where this stuff all comes from, namely a way to use titles to exert some measure of control over others.  This by, the way, is an equal dose of bull*hit, as in the moment that control must be required of other humans, then barring life and death struggles, it becomes an exercise in the promotion of passive resistance.  This idea is backed up by scholars of leadership styles, who have noted* that an over-use of a directive leadership style does far more harm than good.  As I explained once to a manager, “The only time you get to yell at your staff is if there is a fire and you need them to head to the exits.  Otherwise, don’t do it.”.  This is the part that the military gets right about titles and directive leadership:  They are dealing with actual life and death stuff, unlike that obnoxious director of “X Department”.

I do, by the way, have a title at work.  I was required to add it to my email signature.  That part of my signature has mysteriously disappeared, at least for now.  See above.

Another point about titles that some don’t spend nearly enough time thinking about is this:  Titles provide air-cover for poor leadership.  Such things have a tendency to add legitimacy to people who may not, in fact, deserve it.  Ask yourself if the person you report to has earned the right to be followed by you.  Would you willingly listen to this person if they did not have some kind of power over your career?  Titles infer a certain level of competency and quality of character that is not always deserved.  

I think there is a better way.  Specifically, what if we got rid of all work titles and replaced them with three:

1. Individual Contributor [Department] – Someone who does not have staff reporting to them.
2. Leader [Department] – Someone who has staff reporting to them.
3. Executive [Department] – Someone in the business of making strategic decisions for the organization.

So “Assistant Vice President of New Accounts” would be “Leader, New Accounts”.  

It’s just an idea, and it’s far from perfect.  But the current system is even further from perfect, so there’s that to consider.

Ideas aside, the real issue here is that work titles are yet another example of the very human desire among some to prove their worth and pad an ego, even when both are not warranted.  No work title I have ever had made me really feel all that much better about myself, and having grown up in a home that centered around heavy-handed control, I have never had a desire to lord over anyone.  Heck, I can barely lord over myself.  I have also, by the way, been told that I am a good person to report to…which is mostly because I take the radical stance of treating others the way I would want to be treated.  

Sometimes the most complex problems have the simplest solutions.

(*) https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/6-leadership-styles-directive-part-1-brent-pederson/

We Have All Been Forewarned

By way of being forewarned, note that this will not necessarily be the most uplifting thing I’ve written in a while, but so be it.  Sometimes uncomfortable things need to be said out loud.

I have a theory:  The current president is actively looking for ways to increase his power.  Well, that’s not a theory…that’s an actual fact based on current events (including ignoring court orders... see below).  The theory part is the degrees to which he will go in the exercise of that power.  To that end, there are two scenarios that concern me.

First, the stripping of fundamental rights from non-citizens should concern all of us. 

Why?  If the administration can say to a student visa holder that you don’t have a right to an attorney if they are charged with an offense…or to be even told what that offense is in the first place…then the only thing that is stopping that from happening to me or to you is our citizenship.  What if the administration decided that they could strip citizenship from someone?  There’s an actual process for this, which can be found here:

https://www.usa.gov/renounce-lose-citizenship

An important point noted on the above linked website:  You can be stripped of your citizenship for reasons of Treason. 

What if the administration sought to streamline the process of denaturalization for reasons of treason? 

Second, the administration could use the Insurrection Act to suspend basic freedoms.

You can read more about the Insurrection Act here… 

https://www.brennancenter.org/our-work/analysis-opinion/insurrection-act-presidential-power-threatens-democracy

(note that this article was published before the last presidential election)

The Act could be used as part of a system of mass deportations.  It could also be used as a pretext to suspend or delay elections.  Would the courts generally allow this?  Probably not but see above:  The president and his proxies have shown a willingness to ignore court rulings, including those by the United States Supreme Court.  This isn’t just a “Steve Albert feels this way” kind of thing… 

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/mar/23/judges-trump-court-rulings

Finally, I will note this:  I loathe conspiracy theories, and as a general rule, I do not trade in them.  A review of my writing over the years (since 2008) will prove this to be true.  However…and this is a very big however…conventional wisdom and respect for precedent have flown away from us in the United States today.  We have a “might (power) makes right” president who has shown an eagerness to use whatever means are necessary to boost his power and upend constitutional checks and balances.  Note that the United States Congress is complicit in that second point (“…checks and balances”), with some buying into the argument that, since he won the last presidential election, he effectively has the right to do whatever the heck he wants.

Lord, I so want to be wrong about all of this, but mark my words...actions born out of anger and a desire for power rarely result in a good ending for anyone.